


you gave me a home

by TheConsultingWriter



Category: Captain America (Comics), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Comic), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Civil War, Civil War (Marvel), can't stand myself for writing this, so much angst wow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheConsultingWriter/pseuds/TheConsultingWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>steve and tony meet for their last conversation before they part their ways in this civil war</p>
            </blockquote>





	you gave me a home

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to shoot me for writing this  
> dialogue is from the iron man:civil war comic so  
> YEAH

“Hello Steve.” Tony says, managing to keep his voice composed. He’s pretty sure 90% of that comes from the way the suit changes his voice, making it sound robotic and not on the precipice of breaking. “Glad you could make it.”

“I got your message.” Steve says flatly. His body language is tense, like he’s expecting Tony to betray him at any moment. Tony feels a pang in his gut.

“I knew you’d remember the Avengers communication protocols for when normal channels are compromised. I just wasn’t sure you’d be checking.” Tony says slowly.

“I check everything.” Steve returns, his voice still flat and emotionless. Tony sighs softly enough that his suit’s mic doesn’t even pick it up.

“I was also concerned you might think it was a trap.” He continues, biting his lip and waiting for Steve’s reaction. He doesn’t want confirmation that Steve thought that.

“No. You wouldn’t. Not here.” Steve says, and Tony feels relief fill his entire being. After all this, Steve still finds it in him to trust Tony at least a little bit. “And if I’m wrong- I’ll deal with it.”

“You’re not. And no one knows we’re here. I just…” Tony sighs heavily, loud enough for Steve to hear this time. An old, cracked picture of the original team on the wall stares at him, almost accusingly.  “I thought we should talk. After all we’ve been through together, all these years…I think we owe it to each other to try to work things out. One last time. Before…before something else happens. Like what happened to Bill.”

“’What happened?’” Steve spits out, his voice poison running through Tony’s veins. “Your man _killed_ him, Tony. _That’s_ what happened.”

“You started that fight!” Tony blurts out. His voice sounds like he’s pleading, pleading for Steve to see that he never wanted this. “I wanted to talk, remember? I practically _begged_ you.”

Tony gulps and closes his eyes as he remembers. The memory floods his brain and stings his heart. The memory of Steve betraying him hurts more than any wound he’s received in battle.

“I reached out a hand to you…” He continues, trying to keep his voice from cracking on the words. “And you stuck an electron-scrambler into it.”

“ _After_ you took out cloak and wiccan. They’re _kids,_ and you-“ Steve stops and looks down at the ground. His face is solemn and serious like a marble statue. “Fine. You want to talk? Let’s talk.”

“That’s… I’m glad to hear you say that.” Tony says. The frown that had been deep set in his face lightens the slightest bit. “I really believe we can work through this, Steve. We always have in the past. Even after the armor wars thing, remember?”

Tony pauses as his brain gives him another flashback. Another time where he had felt betrayed by Steve, the one person who he always

“It’s kind of ironic, actually. That time, I was breaking the law- trying to get my stolen tech back- and you were the one upholding it.” He lets out a dry laugh. “Now our roles have been reversed.”

“That wasn’t about the law.” Steve states. His tone is back to the bitterness he began with. “It was about you being so focused on your foals that you ignored the damage you were doing to others.” A pause and then Steve narrows his eyes. “ _Exactly_ like now.” Steve points at accusingly. Tony waits for the worst, waits for more horrible accusations or flashbacks. “One thing. I’ll talk to Tony Stark. Not that mask.”

“That I can do.” Tony agrees, but part of him feels a bit of panic in his chest. Without his mask, he’ll be exposed. Every expression on his face will be out in the open for Steve to see. Every broken emotion. They stare at each other for a moment until Steve speaks up.

“So… you wanted to talk.”

“Right.” Tony says, all his focus on keeping his face as stoic as possible. “Listen, about Billy… You have to know I never-“

“Not about that. Not a good idea.” Steve cuts him off with a pained expression. “Start with something else.”

Tony thinks for a moment, parting his lips as he begs his brain to give him something to say. Something to say to Steve that will alleviate this. He scans through possible things he could say. He could tell Steve how important he is to him. He could tell him how much he means to him and how losing him would hurt more than anything. He could tell him how he doesn’t want to fight anymore because he’s so tired. He’s so _fucking_ tired.

“That wall.” He blurts out instead. “That’s the one I came through, remember?”

“How could I forget?” Steve asks softly, the faintest of grins trying to make its way visible on his lips. “The first time we fought. You came crashing through the wall like a bull in a china shop, calling me ‘Chameleon’. I hadn’t been awake in the era long. Hadn’t had time to review the files on criminals. I had no idea what you were _talking_ about.”

“I’d never met the Chameleon either- He was one of Spider-man’s.” Tony offers with a shrug. “I didn’t realize how brilliant he was at disguise. When he showed up at my office, looking exactly like you, seemingly tortured half to death… I mean, God, Steve, the blood _smelled_ like real blood!”

Tony closes his eyes for a second and takes a breath as the memory floods in.The memory is one of the most painful he has.

“I believed he was you and you were him infiltrating the Avengers. The whole way over here, I imagined all the horrible things he’d done to you. When I arrived, _talking_ was not high on my list.” Tony remembers the anger that had fueled his every action. “Those were the days. When we could almost kill each other and smooth it over with a couple words. I wish I could recall what you said… something wonderfully _old-fashioned_...”

“I remember.” Steve interrupts. A smile breaks through on his face as he looks Tony in the eyes almost…lovingly. “’Well, partner, I’m glad it call out in the wash. No hard feelings?’”

“’Of _course_ not, Cap!’” Tony chuckles as he remembers completely. Steve looks away  and his face grows grave again. Tony looks down as well, the grin sliding off his face and the lighthearted feeling leaving his heart.

“Anyway, we’re here to talk about what’s going on now.” Steve grumbles.

“Can we start with why you’re so damn _adamant_ about this?” Tony asks. All he wants now is answers; answers to what is tearing them apart like this. “Didn’t you and I stand together in this very spot, not all that long ago- And try to talk the Young Avengers out of running around getting into trouble because they were inexperienced and untrained? And when we couldn’t stop them, didn’t we agree to _train_ them? That’s what the registration act does. Makes sure would-be heroes are fully tained in the use of their powers. For the public’s safety, and their own.”

“Look at Spider-man, still haunted after all these years by the death of the girl he loved… Gwen.” Tony thinks about how haunted he’ll be if anything truly terrible happens to Steve, much the same way Peter still is. “If he’d been properly trained, maybe he could have broken her fall without breaking her neck.”

“Besides, _every_ male in the country has to register with the government when he turns eighteen. Are you saying _that’s_ wrong too?” Tony tries, hoping to hit home with Steve.

“Most eighteen-year-old’s haven’t made enemies of the Green Goblin.” Steve says completely unaffected. “That girl died because _psychopath_ knew who Spider-man was underneath his _mask_. Hector Ayala, the White Tiger, found his entire family brutally murdered when his identity was exposed. The Usagent’s parents were gunned down by terrorists after his name was made public.”

“No one’s identity becomes public knowledge unless they choose-“

“Come on, Tony.” Steve scoffs. “Ultron. The Mad Thinker. Dr. Doom. Machinesmith. We have _dozens_ of enemies who could hack into a government database without breaking a sweat. But even if they couldn’t- governments change, administrations come and go. I had to become Nomad and later The Captain when certain politicians decided they didn’t like the way I operated.”

“The registration act takes away any freedom we have, any _autonomy._ You don’t know who could get elected, how public sentiment might change. I’m old enough to remember Japanese-Americans being put in _camps_ because they were judged potential threats to national security.”

“That’s your _problem_ , Steve.” Tony sighs. “Always looking at the past. Look at the _future._ It’s what I _do._ And believe me when I tell you that your way is a lot more likely to get us put in camps than mine.”

“Stamford.” Steve says flatly.

“Stamford.” Tony repeats.

“Everyone seems to forget that New Warriors didn’t create that explosion.” Steve tries to point out. “A mass murderer named Nitro did. A fugitive they were to _stop._ ”

“They were _trying_ to get _ratings_ for their TV show.” Tony scoffs and crosses his arms.

“I’m not calling them saints, even _smart._ ” Steve continues, ignoring Tony as he reaches down to grab a broken picture. “But they were still out to do something good.”

“Well, their judgment was _bad._ ” Tony countered. “Criminally so. Would _you_ have fought Nitro in a populated area like that?” He sighs and points outside. “You up for a walk? I heard the Young Avengers fixed the memorial statues, and I’d really like to pay my respects.”

“It was Stamford that changed things for you, wasn’t it?” Steve asks softly as they walk outside of the mansion. “Before that you went to Washington and lobbied _against_ the registration act.”

“It was coming anyway.” Tony shrugs. “I always thought it was inevitable, though I did try to _delay_ it. But after Stamford there was no stopping it.”

“But you not just bowing to the tide of history, Tony.” Steve says, and god…it’s scare how well he knows Tony. He can practically read his mind, which makes sense after everything they’ve been through. “You truly believe in this, I can tell. And I don’t understand _why_.”

“I…” Tony begins, trailing off as he stares up at one of the memorial statues. The one of the original team. “Because it could have been me, Steve.”

“If you’re referring to that disturbed boy who controlled your mind and made you kill those people, that’s hardly-“

“No. I’m not talking about mind control, I’m talking about bad decisions.” Tony shakes his head and raises a finger. “Stamford. Instead of the Warriors, it could have easily been me.”

“Ridiculous.” Steve scoffs, and something about the way he says it… it makes Tony’s heart stop. The confidence Steve has in him after everything is astounding. “You’d never have engaged the enemy so close to a school.”

“I would have if I’d been drunk.” Tony mumbles. His eyes hold a pain in them as he remembers all of the terrible decisions he’s made when he’s drunk. “I never told you this. I never told _anyone_.”

And it strikes him suddenly that if he hadn’t told Steve, of course he hadn’t told anyone else. Steve is the person he trusts most in the world. Much more than himself.

“It was when I’d fallen off the wagon, when Obadiah Stane was stealing my company out from under me. I started drinking…hard.” Tony looks down, avoiding Steve’s piercing eyes as he continues. “Machine Man showed up at my office. We’d never met, but he wanted to talk to me. To this day I have no idea why; I’m too ashamed to ask. I wanted him to go away, and he wouldn’t. So I decided I’d put on my Iron Man armor and throw him out.” He scoffs and shakes his head. “You know dangerous a drunk is behind the wheel of a car? Imagine one piloting the world’s most sophisticated battle armor. I swung a lamp post at him. Missed by a mile. But I would have hit two of my workers…” He takes a deep breath. “If machine man hadn’t pushed them out of the way.” He holds up two fingers with barely half an inch between them and finally looks up at Steve. “This close. _This close_ and I’d be a murderer.”

“My god Tony…” Steve whispers. His voice is full of the worst possible things Tony could be hearing from him; pity and disappointment. “But honestly, I don’t see how the registration act would have made a difference. If _we_ didn’t now you were drinking again-your _friends_ \- if we couldn’t stop you… Once I found out, I _tried_.”

“I remember.” Tony breathes out as the memory floods his mind. Steve’s arms curled under him, holding him close as he burst from the burning building. He was barely awake, but he remembers how safe he felt in Steve’s arms despite the immediate danger. “And I know registration won’t stop every tragedy. But people in our position need _accountability._ Someone who, if I’d killed those men, would have thrown me in jail where I belonged.”

“We’ve always policed our own. When Hank had his breakdown- when he hit Jan- We held him _responsible_. Took him down, got him help. He served time.” Steve reminds.

“Kind of interesting he’s on _my_ side, isn’t it?” Tony raises an eyebrow. “He believes, as I do, that having our fellow heroes police us isn’t enough. They have their own lives, their own concerns. Cops, soldiers, other first responders… They have _oversight_. Internal affairs, the military police-“

“Listen, Tony.” Steve sighs heavily and his stance stiffens slightly. “It might be… _comforting_ to think there’s someone watching over you, seeing you don’t make mistakes. But consider the downside. I _was_ a cop, remember? They deal with _countless_ false allegations of abuse. Imagine what _we’d_ face. We couldn’t do our jobs.”

“ _Justin Hammer_ framed you for murder-“ Steve continues and brings up another painful memory in the process. “Your armor taken over by remote control, forcing you to kill a diplomat in front of a worldwide audience. I was framed too, by the secret empire. Look, police, soldiers, firefighters- they’re all heroes, more so than we are. But we’re higher profile. Bigger targets. In both our cases, we were able to prove our innocent. Your way, we might _still_ be rotting in prison.”

“And what if we’d been _guilty_?” Tony points at Steve almost accusingly. “See, that’s the _problem_ here. It’s why you can’t see things from my perspective. Because it’s predicated on the premise that super heroes make _mistakes_.” He pauses and takes another deep breath. “And you’re _Captain America_. You don’t _make_ mistakes.”

“I…I think I make mistakes.” Steve says solemnly, his face growing grave. “There was that time during the Korvac Affair… I was frustrated. I yelled at you for no reason, even took a _swing_ -“

“You spouted off _once_. That we both _remember_ it proves my point.” Tony can’t help but think about how… jealous he can be of Steve for this. He’s a man made of mistakes and Steve… Steve makes one mistake and it’s a monumental event.  “Let’s face it- if everyone were like you, we wouldn’t _need_ registration.” Tony turns his back to Steve so the other man can’t see the pure sadness on his face. “But they’re _not_ Everyone feels inadequate next to you. God knows I always have.”

“You-?” Steve asks, and to Tony’s surprise, the tone in his voice is completely genuine. “Tony, you’re _brilliant_. Successful. One of the richest men in the world.”

“Yes. I am. So if I get that way, imagine how kids like Cloak and Dagger feel.” Tony points out. “They idolize you, Steve. We _all_ do. And, consciously or not… you’re _using_ that.”

“I’m _what_?” Steve practically spits out. His face changes in that moment, suddenly offended and angry.

“How many would still be resisting if it wasn’t for you?” Tony asks seriously. “Luke. Maybe Daredevil and the Falcon. But Hercules cant even _spell_ registration. He just knows you’re his friends and the young ones… They don’t want to disappoint Captain America.”

“How _dare_ you accuse me of-“ Steve is yelling now, spit flying out of his mouth in anger. “ _You’re_ the one who’s manipulating people. Offering them health insurance and federal paychecks to sign their lives away. What you did to Spider-man is _unconscionable._ He wears his need for a father figure on his sleeve, and you played the role to the _hilt_ to make him do what to asked.”

“Peter’s an adult. He made his own decisions.”

“No, you made them _for_ him. You’re a good man at hear, Tony, but you’ve always thought you knew best by virtue of your genius.” Steve points at Tony and glares. “And once you decide, that’s it. Like during Galactic Storm, when you declared it was okay to kill the supreme intelligence because _you_ judged he wasn’t technically alive.”

“I _was_ the one best qualified to-“

“It was also what you _wanted._ And when you get down to it, what _you_ want has _always_ come first.” And Tony feels like he’s been hit by a bus. His heart practically rips in half. If Steve thinks that of him, god knows it must be true… “Like dating Jan less than a month after her divorce, without telling her you were Iron Man- one of her ex-husband’s _best friends_.”

“I told her.”

“Eventually. After she’d become attached enough to get hurt… After you’d gotten what _you_ were after.” Tony can’t even find it in him to respond anymore at this point. Steve continues on. “I saw that side of you _myself_ when the government took away my shield. You made me a new one- insisted I take it as a gift. _Knowing_ we might come into conflict over Armor Wars. You wanted me to feel _obligated_ to you. Then you destroyed the Guardsmen’s armor, because, through no fault of their own, it used some of your stolen designs. Never mind that without them, an entire prison full of super-criminals stood unprotected. Never mind that you struck me down from _behind_ in the process.”

Tony feels himself breaking more every second, every word coming from Steve’s lips is another stab directly to his fragile heart.

“You can be the nicest guy in the world, Tony… The bravest hero, the staunchiest ally…” Steve continues. Tony thinks for a moment that maybe he won’t be broken anymore. “But at the end of the day, what _you_ want trumps everything else. It’s a quality I see in a lot of alcoholics.”

“That’s right. I’d forgotten.” Tony mumbles as he turns away for the millionth time to hide the hurt on his face. “Your father was an alcoholic, wasn’t he?”

“I’m surprised you remember me telling you.” Steve’s tone doesn’t change. The bitterness remains. “You were pretty _drunk_ at the time.”

“It makes sense. A lot makes sense now.” Tony says softly, his voice on the precipice of cracking with hurt.

“Don’t. Don’t try to make this personal.” Steve practically pleads.

“I think it’s a lot more personal than either one of us realized.” Tony insists, knowing it to be true by the way his chest is tightened and he can barely hold himself together at this point. “You’re the perfect man. You live by ideals and standards that are… more than outdated. They’re _impossible_ for anyone but you. And when you’re confronted by shades of gray, when people inevitably disappoint you because people are _flawed_ , you do what you’ve _always_ done when the going got tough. You dig in your heels and fight even _harder_. Never mind whether you can win. Sometimes I think you’d _rather_ go out in a blaze of glory than face reality.”

“You know, even after all these years, that’s one of the things about the modern I’ve had the hardest time adjusting to.” Steve says with a sad glance down. “All the damn psychobabble. What’s right is what’s right. If you believe it, you stand up for it.”

“Of all the naïve…” Tony grumbles. “You don’t like the registration act, Steve? Do you have any idea what the _alternatives_ are? I do. I saw the _plans_ , when I was secretary of defense. Have you ever heard of _Project Wideawake?_ ”

He pauses and envisions the possibility. It floods into his brain and his vision and he has to hold back a shiver.

“Imagine a sky full of sentinels hunting us down. Forcibly implanting _inhibitor circuits_ in our brains. Taking away our powers.” He continues. “Genetic testing of the entire _population_ so any potential superhumans are under government control, before they’re even _born._ ”

“Never happen. We’d fight it. We’d stop it.” Steve insists, spreading his arms wide.

“What do you think I’m trying to do?” Tony practically shouts back. Steve just doesn’t get it; he doesn’t fucking _get_ it. “From day one, I’ve been trying to keep this from getting as bad as I know it can be. And from day one, you’ve been fighting me.” Fighting against him in every way, physically and emotionally. But he doesn’t say that. He can’t. “Now it’s come to this. Bill dead. Old friends at each other’s throats. Families torn apart. I know terrible things have happened and I _hate_ it. I hate that we’re in this pattern of mutually assured destruction- You escalate, I escalate.” He pauses for a moment before sighing and changing his tone. The anger sheds and it turns into pleading. “Tell me, Steve! Tell me what I can do! What can I do to make it _stop_?” Tears begin to fall down Tony’s face as he begs the other man.

“Join me.” Steve says simply. “Denounce the act and help me fight it.”

“I can’t.” Tony says sadly. “Even if I didn’t believe in it- which I _do_ \- It’s not about me. Losing me wouldn’t stop it. Reed or Hank or someone would take over. But the resistance is all about _you_. You can put an _end_ to this. _Join me,_ Cap. Help me change things from within.”

“Within what? A cell?” Steve looks down, clearly trying to avoid Tony’s gaze. “Because whether or not you can see the bars, that’s where I’d be. Where we’d all be.”

“Damn you!” Tony shouts, slamming his fist against the table with a loud noise. His heart feel like it’s about to burst with emotions. Anger, anxiety, fear, and abandonment all swirl inside of him.

“We’re not going to solve anything here. I should go.” Steve turns away. Tony grabs him by the shoulder.

“No. We’re _not_ done.” He growls.

“Get. Your hand. Off.” Steve growls back, twisting out of Tony’s grip.

Tony backs away and sheds his armor, putting up his fists. He’s so fucking angry, so full of rage with Steve right now… he doesn’t want to fight, he doesn’t, but he can’t seem to stop his rage from seeping out.

“All right.” Steve says, throwing his shield to the ground. “Let’s go.”

Steve reaches forward and grabs Tony by the throat. They go tumbling to the ground, punches and kicks flying. Tony punches Steve as hard as he can, blood flying from the other man’s mouth. Steve hits him back and Tony tastes his own coppery blood. He falls to the ground and stares up at the framed picture of the team. His brain falls into flashback mode.

_“…So with Iron Man under investigation for murder, I’m without a bodyguard. Fair game for kidnappers, terrorists, anyone. If you could possibly-?” He asks with a little chuckle._

_“I’d be happy to give you a crash course in the defense arts, Mr. Stark.” Steve offers kindly._

_“Not bad.” Steve says once they actually get around to training. “You’re in surprisingly good shape for a desk jockey.”_

_“I, um, play a lot of tennis.” Tony lies not so smoothly._

_“Uh-huh. Tennis.” Steve says with a smirk. “I see.”_

Every move Tony makes towards Steve is one that Steve himself taught him. Every punch, every kick is something he learned from Steve.

_“Nice. Good follow-through.” Steve says as Tony kicks him to the ground._

Steve coughs and groans as Tony kicks him to ground and grabs him by the throat.

_“You may not be ready for a prizefight just yet, but you should be able to handle street punks and the like.” Steve says playfully._

_“Thanks, teach.” Tony huffs out, his breathing a bit labored. “To be honest, I think I just really needed to release some aggression.”_

Those words fill Tony’s head as Steve pins him to the ground.

_“I appreciate you taking your valuable time to help a desk jockey with his neuroses.” Tony chuckles._

_“YOU appreciate…? Are you kidding?” Steve scoffs but with a smile. “Mr. Stark, when I woke up in this era, I had no one. Nothing. You gave me a purpose, somewhere to belong…”_

            Tony collapses on the ground, barely able to breathe anymore. Steve’s too strong and he’s not holding back. The memory of Steve’s words echo in his head as he heaves.

            _“You gave me a home.”_

            Tony can’t get the memory out of his head. The words circulate his mind over and over again. _You gave me a home._ He almost scoffs out loud at the idea. He gave Steve a home? No. That’s not it. That’s not it at all. Steve gave Tony a home. Steve was and always will be Tony’s home, his family, his best friend, the most important person in his life.

            _“Cap…” Tony says with a smile as he reaches out for Steve’s hand. “Call me Tony.”_

            Tony spits up blood on the floor before standing back up and looking over at Steve. They’re standing as if in a faceoff, both of them glaring.

            “We should have talked sooner.” Steve says, looking down at the wreckage from their fight.

            “Yeah.” Tony coughs out, too tired and sad to say much else. He pulls his armor backs on and Steve grabs his shield.

            _“Mr. Stark… Tony.” Steve says when they walk outside._

_“Hm?”_

_“I have a… message for Iron Man. The next time you talk to him…” Steve says, his voice a bit cheeky. “Tell him I know he’s innocent. And tell him if he needs anything-ever- I hope he knows…I’ve got his back.”_

_“That’ll mean a lot to him, Cap.” Tony smiles as he shakes Steve’s hand. “And I know he’d say the same.”_

            As they part ways, Tony feels his stomach churn in disgust. At himself mainly. At how he failed to keep his word. He said he’d have Steve’s back no matter what. He said… He said so many fucking things and they were all meaningless. His heart is heavy as the sunsets behind him. He’s lost so much in the course of a few hours. He’s lost his home.


End file.
